From Imposter Syndrome to Excellence as Balance
The article is originally written and published for the utmONE Scholars Collective blog in November 2021.
I almost didn’t apply to UTM.
My SAT score was 30 points below the minimum benchmark. My counselor still encouraged me to apply. “You already have the rejection,” she said. “What do you have to lose?”
When I got my acceptance, I was thrilled. Me? Accepted at UofT? With a scholarship?
It could only be a mistake.
I started my first year last fall, and from my bedroom in Brazil, I attended Zoom lectures and interacted with students that seemed better than me. Although I did well in school, the university study life consumed me. This constant thought kept gnawing at my brain: You don’t belong here. It can only be a mistake. They will find out.
One Friday afternoon, my LAUNCH leader talked about Imposter syndrome. She explained how this mindset entails self-doubt and underestimation of one’s abilities.
Then it hit me.
These assumptions that I didn’t belong at UTM, that my acceptance was a mistake, that I wasn’t good enough to be here, were all in my head.
During that LAUNCH session, a professor also talked about the importance of redefining excellence. Her advice? Excellence is all about balance. While UofT is a world-renowned institution, each student’s conception and pursuit of balance defines excellence for them, meaning no single approach to excellence exists within the student life.
Ever since that LAUNCH session, I came up with a personal mantra: I believe in me because UofT believes in me. When I find myself trapped in this mindset, I revisit it and practice writing additional affirmations in my bullet journal: I’m set for success. I’m doing my best. I got this. While it seems silly, these reminders are helpful to put things into perspective.
I made great friends at UTM, but I often still find myself feeling like I don’t belong or that I’m not good enough. Why? Because each of us have our differences. While some procrastinate because they want to feel inspired to complete assignments to perfection, some dive into assignments as soon as receiving them since they would rather have all the time possible to execute them to perfection (me!). As students, we tend to compare ourselves to our peers and unconsciously perceive these inexistent standards of perfectionism. Then, when we fall short from them, Imposter syndrome kicks in, making us believe that we don’t belong.
Sharing these thoughts with friends, family, or mentors can also help. People often portray their wins and don’t share their vulnerabilities and, consequently, we forget it’s common to struggle with self-doubt and self-confidence. Having these difficult yet comforting conversations (with the trusted individuals) allows us to acknowledge that we each have our own journey and our own pace to go through it. We should embrace and enjoy it rather than fear we will disappoint others or not fulfill their expectations.
If I had done so, I wouldn’t be writing this article today. Remember: be kind to yourself. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be.
